Thursday, June 26, 2008

Friend dating

I went out for drinks and dinner with my pal Erin and three of her friends the other day and the subject of friend dating popped up.

Now I hadn't heard of it before, and initially assumed it meant dating friends (the wiseness of which could be cause for a whole-nother discussion). But I was wrong anyway, its not about dating friends, its about dating FOR friends.

One of the girls explained that she was in the midst of a "dating" ritual with another girl who she had decided she wanted as friend. She knew someone else who was already friends with this girl, and wanted a piece of that pal for herself.

The gist is, the same rules that you would apply to the regular dating scene, you apply to tracking yourself a friend. You chat with them when on a group night out, charm them with your zest for life, and invite them to hang out with you sometime. Its all done very informally so the target feels it all happens "naturally". Crucially, you have to make sure you aren't too eager else you risk looking like you have no other friends.

This particular girl was worried because she had invited the Potential Friend Target to two things, both of which the PFT had declined. Does the PFT have a busy social calendar or does she just not want to know?

It got me thinking (especially as I am in the process of wooing a few of potentials myself), is this normal behaviour? At first glance it seems a little stalker-ish - something about the pre-meditated conscious strategy seems to take away from the natural magic of meeting someone you like and just, well, getting along.

But then I realised, some of my favourite friends are part of Boo, the book club I formed through a random online advert when desperate to make friends after my move back to the suburbian homelands. Just because I consciously set out to meet them, does it take anything away from the friendship? I don't think it does, and in fact it makes me value them more (because it could have all gone so badly wrong! Just think, even now Ian could be internet grooming me from afar!)

So all in all I like the idea of friend dating. Twenty/thirtysomethings always seem to be obsessed with looking for The One. Why not invest as much (indeed, more) effort into finding your friends?

5 comments:

Em's mum said...

Emily, you have never needed to 'friend date'. even when we were at the airport waiting a couple of hours for a flight, you managed to get on the plane with someone's address!

Emily Wearmouth said...

Ha ha! Well that's friend dating too in a way... speed friend dating ;-)

Melissa said...

aw shucks em

the boo loves ya too

x

Sue M said...

We do love you back Em, but where was your excuse for missing the tennis and pimms at Caroline's yesterday? Holland for one was asking where you were!

Emily Wearmouth said...

Oh! Was she really?? How sweet!!!

Did you explain? Tell her I say hi!! :-)

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